For the Love of a Horse

EC Blog by: Felicia Jane

I have loved horses for as long as I can remember. When my mother would ask me what I wanted, I would always tell her, ‘a horse.’ I saved up my birthday and Christmas money because I knew one day I would get a horse. I begged my mother for riding lessons, and, at the age of 10, she let me take them. Since that very first lesson, I have sought to learn and grow as a horse person.

When I was 11, I met my first horse Maggie. She was a grade mare who needed someone to love her. I remember how amazing it was when she would do as I asked. She would stand patiently while I groomed her, and she would listen as I told her about how confusing humans were. At some point during the year and a half I owned her, I realized I was growing out of her. She was 20 years old, and I wanted to do more. I dreamed of breeding her, but we had no money and breeding an older grade mare was something my family wasn’t in a position to do.

Then, June 4th, 2003 happened. Maggie had been off for about a week. The vet had come and checked her out on that Monday. We took her out of the pasture and put her in a stall. Her pain was worse than we realized. She had foundered. On June 3rd, I left the barn feeling like something was off. The next day, she colicked, and we had to put her down. I was devastated. I swore off horses. For many years, I would tear up if I tried to talk about her or about what I went through.

Fast forward to June 2008 when I met Julie. She was a big beautiful bay Trakehner mare. She was the horse of my dreams. I was starstruck. She tends to have that effect on people. She was a horse that was unloved. Through a series of events, I was able to buy her, and I knew I hit the lottery.

Owning a horse and being in college is difficult, and, on most days, I thought I was insane. I loved my horse, but I didn’t know if I would be able to keep her. I don’t know why, but Trakehners pick their people, and good luck trying to dissuade them of what they want.

Multiple times I found myself on the verge of selling her, but, at the eleventh hour, things came together and I was able to keep her. During my college years, she moved back and forth from Connecticut to New York multiple times. I still dreamed of breeding for my very own foal but thought that I would have to dream for another mare since each year passed by and I wasn’t able to breed her.

I was a senior in college in May 2012 and Julie was 20. I had given up hope of breeding her and pretty much decided that maybe it would be better off if I just gave up riding. Upon graduation, I got a job as a horse trainer, riding instructor, and barn manager. While I was in college, my stepfather’s cancer had returned. Two weeks after I graduated college, he died of stomach cancer. Grief is something I don’t know how to handle, so I threw myself into work and dreaming. I began to dream about breeding Julie and told my mother how I wished I could breed her. Despite her better judgment, my mother gave me a small amount of money from my stepfather’s estate to breed Julie.

I remember asking my boss what vet I should use. He was the best at equine reproduction, and, after making him aware of my preferences, we began the process of breeding her. He said that she was breeding sound even though she was older.

I was excited. I couldn’t believe it! I was going to be able to breed my dream horse. Yes, looking back I should have decided to pay student loans and made more logical decisions. However, a dream long forgotten sometimes supersedes logic. I had planned to a point. I had money saved, and I knew I would be ok as long as everything went according to plan. Things never go according to plan.

While breeding a young mare is pretty cut and dry, breeding an older mare means anything and everything might go wrong. Julie should have lost the foal. She should have aborted. She stopped eating for three weeks at one point. She developed cellulitis and several other bizarre illnesses. She went 363 days with the foal. I think I drove us both crazy. I drained my bank accounts. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a crazy person who thought that dreams paid bills.

Yet, I had my beautiful bay Trakehner mare, and she was pregnant with the foal of my dreams. On August 6th 2013, Julie foaled a chestnut filly. She was skeletal looking with lax tendons but she had a fire to live. She couldn’t figure out how to get up at first. I gave her a bottle full of frozen colostrum just in case because my vet was worried that Julie wasn’t going to produce enough. More vet bills and more worries.

She’s now five months old and absolutely amazing. She’s a great baby. She’s a head turner just like Julie. I don’t know how I was chosen to be the lucky one to own them, but I’m so thankful that I get to call those horses mine.

Fae proved my vet wrong. Her desire to live and her trust in people reminds me that life is good.

Trusting and believing in your dreams will lead you down paths you didn’t think were possible. Giving up means you lose a part of yourself. Every day, I worry that I will have to let them go, but I cherish each day because I don’t want to miss out on seeing Fae grow up.

We love hearing your personal stories of triumph through tribulation. If you’d like to share your story with us, e-mail b.bevis@equinechronicle.com