What Horse FOR SALE Ads Really Need to Say…

Ever wish that horse FOR SALE ads would be honest for a change? 

For example:

– Green-broke, 6-year-old mare with tremendous potential. Will excel under a firm and professional hand. A free spirit and opinionated thinker with numerous talents. 

When in reality… 

– 6-year-old mare that’s still green-broke because someone has been trying to train her for the past four years without success. Would have potential if she would allow anyone to touch her. Cantankerous and unruly with talents including charging dogs, biting small children, and fleeing from the scene of the accident at a high rate of speed.  

In a similar style, check out this hilarious account from Madison Ricard about her horse, Seven. 

By: Madison Ricard

Tired of people cutting you off in the warmup ring? Sick of not being noticed in the hack class, riding yet another 15.2 hand horse? Seven is the horse for you!

Seven is a 2006, 18 hand, bay moose that will get you noticed. Miniature earthquakes draw the judge’s attention with every stride. Ribbon presenters will love standing on their tiptoes to hand you your prizes.

Never worry about people cutting you off again! Seven will throw a temper tantrum just noticeable enough that people will stay away from “the crazy horse!” Trot on in peace, watching ponies flee in terror as you approach.

Don’t like to jump? Seven is a dual purpose horse! Ride him out or plough your field.

Learning to jump? That’s okay! Seven will only jump fences HE feels you are ready for!

Things Seven likes to do for fun:

• Being worn as a hat, wearing tiny hats, and picking up and throwing skunks. This unique feature makes Seven the only horse in Alberta to require an annual rabies shot. You’ll have to talk to your vets about it. Tell them you’re serious. While you’re at it, invest in some tomato juice.
• Likes to pretend he’s a camel and store water in his mouth. Bring an umbrella when handling Seven, lest you fall victim to a surprise shower.

Other features:

• Guaranteed to make you look like a toddler on a lesson pony, no matter your proportions. His massive body is very slimming to all shapes and sizes of rider.
• Will turn feral and try to bite your arm if unhandled for less than a week. Did I mention a rabies vaccine?
• 100% child safe, surprisingly. Should probably vaccinate your kids for rabies though. Just to be safe.
• Comes with DayGlo orange turnout sheet. Use during hunting season is advised.

Reviews:

“Wow, he’s huge!”

“Couldn’t find a bigger horse, huh?”

“Oh my God, how tall IS he?”

Prospective buyers must live close by, as he does not fit in standard horse trailers.

Regular sized humans in photos for scale.

*Seven is not actually for sale. I just saw a similar fake ad recently and thought Seven needed his own!

Have some fun with this! What would your ad for your horse say?