She Believed She Could, But She Didn’t…

EC Blog by: Allyson Hicks

I’ve taken some time off from writing because I haven’t been up to anything much in the show pen. Insert- horse was ouchy, family obligations, college tuition, and the dreaded fear of failure.

And guess what? I did fail and to date I haven’t suddenly died.

I know that losing is part of winning, but I’m not just talking about ribbons and placings. I’m talking about one’s perception of one’s self. What happens when you start to see yourself as a loser?

I can testify that it’s incredibly painful, especially if showing horses is your beloved hobby. You believe that showing your horse is something that’s supposed to be a fun adventure, a competition in which you want to participate. But, you might find that either you’re not as good as you hoped, or you don’t have the right horse, or you don’t have the right luck or… the list of reasons is endless. Some reasons are more painful than others.

Why I think I personally haven’t been successful is pretty, well, personal. I think it all boils down to how I view myself. When that doesn’t align with winning or feeling like a winner, it’s a recipe for personal disaster.

Let’s start with some basics about me. I’m very lucky. I’ve been lucky all my life, until this show year. I’ve had bad luck after bad luck. I’ve had such bad luck that it’s made me question my ability to make decisions. I typically make good decisions, well I used to, until I started showing this year. When you add in a bit of show stress, I just lose my decision making ability. I don’t normally get stressed, until the announcer calls my name to enter the arena.

As I write this, I’ve discovered something that I didn’t previously know about myself. I like a challenge, a real challenge, one that has the chance of failure. I like a challenge that questions my perception of myself and my abilities. Showing horses does that.

You can’t win at every horse show or in every class. There’s a huge chance of failure and a slim chance of success when you enter a show ring with dozens of other horses and riders. Not everyone will win; in fact, the majority will lose (if considered solely by class results).

The real challenge for me is facing potential failure and still giving it my all. I think that’s what drives me to continue to show my horse!

A challenge, and a little luck, if you please,

Allyson Hicks