Learning to Find Success Outside of the Win

EC Blog by: Kory Kumar

“Winning matters. Losing matters. But in life, what matters most is what we do with our wins and losses,” said Jon Gordon.

You may have heard it said that winning and losing are two sides of the same coin. In all aspects of life, good manners and sportsmanship are important. They’re important because how we behave influences how others think and perceive us. Did you know that a single act of poor sportsmanship at a public event will create a larger lasting impact than 10 acts of positive sportsmanship? Scary, but very true. Let that sink in, and hopefully stick with you as you attend or compete at your next horse show.

In an article written by Kendra Cherry in 2020, she explains that “negative information causes a surge in activity in a critical information processing area of the brain. Our behaviors and attitudes tend to be shaped more powerfully by bad news, experiences, and information.” Her article further explains that it’s the things we perceive as “bad” that stick with us and impact our decisions. This can also impact our impressions of other people around us.

I’m not suggesting that you should be a fake person, nor am I suggesting that having feelings or even expressing those feelings is bad. It’s the way those feelings are expressed that matter! There are ways of expressing displeasure, frustration, anger, pain, and other feelings that also demonstrate manners, respect for the sport, and emotional control.

So, what do manners and sportsmanship have to do with finding success outside of a personal win? Competitive horse show events are designed as exhibition events where exhibitors are quite literally judged by a set of hired individuals. It doesn’t matter what level of competition a person engages in, there will be the hired individuals, who are deemed qualified by the organization or association they are representing. Their job is to pass their judgement on us, and our job as exhibitors is to accept that judgement gracefully.

We’re paying someone to give us their opinion. Literally, a competitive equestrian pays a fee to be judged. Sometimes, the package we present is not that judge’s preference, especially when it comes to flat classes. Other times, our package is the exact image of that judge’s preference or opinion. This sport, while filled with numerically calculated scores, is also full of opinions and preferences.

Opinions and preferences are subjective and not bound by the same level of rubric grading, which makes the idea of personal goals and celebration of individual successes so very important. When so many factors are at play, there is just no way that exhibitor success can be measured completely by a win. The win is never guaranteed. Only one person can win a class. So, if your personal value is based solely on that win, my friends, how will you handle the disappointment if you’re not the winner?

Following her win in Amateur Western Pleasure at the 2021 American Paint Horse World Show, Kenna Slater said, “That was a tough pen of horses, and I was so proud of what my horse and I put out there. I’m so grateful that the judges rewarded us with the win. It was my 20 years in the making dream come true!” When Kenna rode into that pen of horses, she said that she knew she was riding with great horses and awesome riders. She knew that winning might not happen, and she found her personal joy in her ride. No matter what the judges decided, she felt good about her ride and the preparation work that she and her training team had done.

In late July 2021, I showed my equine partner, Neil, for the first time in several months, and for the first time following a long bout of lameness. It was not my best ride. I struggled at the beginning, but I was so happy that I made steady progress through my Western Pleasure class. Following the class, my trainer asked me how I thought it had gone. I was honest. It wasn’t always pretty. I knew that. I struggled to maintain my jog and to keep my horse in frame. It didn’t matter to me what the placings were. My place of joy and success was in my ability to recognize things weren’t going well and to use my tools to fix the issues and improve my overall performance.

Look guys, it’s completely okay to feel disappointment or upset when a win you want, or thought you deserved, isn’t given to you. It’s completely okay to go off and have a moment to yourself to cope with those feelings. In fact, that would be the responsible thing to do. The part that’s not okay is engaging in disrespectful or negative behavior that impacts other exhibitors. We’re all watching. We’re all seeing what’s being put out there. How do you want people to think about you? Do you want to be a person who stays positive and celebrates the success you’re having, or do you want to be the person who only sees the win and finds no value in all the work you have invested?

There is ALWAYS something positive that can be celebrated. In my eighteen years as a public school special education teacher, I have learned that while sometimes I need to look more deeply at a situation, there is always some aspect of positive success that can be celebrated. The same is true with horse shows. I encourage all of us to find those successes and to celebrate them! Make this part of your routine. I think you will be amazed at how your mindset changes with a tiny shift in mental practice.

We get back what we put out there, and you find what you seek. At any moment, any person can achieve that all mighty win; however, only one person can get that at a time. So, my dearest competitive equestrian friends, I invite you to expand your idea of what winning is. I look forward to hearing about your successes and sharing mine with you. You guys are my people, and this is my tribe. I look forward to seeing you around the show pen! I look forward to celebrating with you!

Respectfully Yours, Kory Kumar

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