Keeping Horses Part Of Your College Kid’s Lifestyle
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498 – October, 2014
By Ruthie Stewart
We are all crazy when we become parents because we focus all our energy, time and love on the development of a person who is destined to leave us. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. We give all we can to our children with the end goal that they will grow apart from us and not need us anymore. Therein lies the rub, we yearn to be needed and wanted, but the idea is that we raise our children to be independent of us. College is a big step in that direction, and sending a high school graduate far away from home is how young adults test their maturity and master skills they need as adults on a new level without mom and dad hovering. For families with horses, college can pose additional concerns and problems. Keeping young adults involved in horses when they are in college is a good idea for many reasons.
Because horses are often a large part of a family’s lifestyle, having to give them up to go away to school can make college much less appealing to your child. The routines of lessons and barn visits are important to students who love horses and missing these familiar comforts can leave a college kid feeling depressed. Riding is exercise and builds self-esteem and, for show kids, horses are a large part of teen’s social life. Horses aren’t like other sports or hobbies where equipment can be stowed in a garage and pulled out again when college is finished in four years. Horses are usually the only pastime most show people participate in and they usually dominate all free time. Because they require such a serious commitment of time and money, a kid away at college can feel really lost without horses in their life. Thrown into a strange new town without horses, they can feel like they lost part of their identity and seek to replace that void with things that may not be positive or healthy.
Moving to a new town and living with strangers is scary for anyone. The comforts of the familiar are gone for a college kid and coping with so much change at once can be depressing and overwhelming. Add to that peer pressure and loneliness and a normally sane kid may act in foolish and self-destructive ways. Drinking, drugs and a frat party lifestyle at college can sabotage a kid who at home was responsible and dedicated. Some mistakes can only be learned the hard way and parents spend many a sleepless night worried because they cannot protect their children from everything and they cannot force college-age kids to make mature smart choices overnight. While young people think they are indestructible, parents know there is danger out there. Kids are murdered on college campuses and crime isn’t just in a parent’s overactive imaginations. We had a saying during my daughter’s rush week, “Is that the Ted Bundy sorority house?” There is a sorority that uses that actual house at FSU. What can a parent do to keep their kid safe and happy at college? Horses can be the solution to many problems.
Keeping horses part of a college kid’s life serves several healthy purposes. Horse kids usually feel part of their identity is rooted in horses and being able to bring that to college keeps them grounded and busy while feeling connected to their families. There’s a lot of down time between classes and kids will be out late partying then sleep all day. They aren’t great at prioritizing their responsibilities and that starts a slippery slope of looking to have a good time whenever possible. Teens are already emotional and prone to wanting to experiment with drugs and sex, and the freedom of college life can lure them to get crazy. Some will skip classes and homework and flunk out because they aren’t able to take care of themselves and do what is required for success in their courses. Parents may not know a lot about what goes on at college because their kids won’t talk to them about college life and their peers. It’s not easy to be part of a young adult’s life when they push you away. Sometime it’s part of their ideology – parents are lied to and not told about many things that are very important to a teen. Every generation does it to their parents. It’s exhausting to get them to talk and share, and many parents give up and grow apart from their kids. Horse parents are especially close to their kids and through competition and showing have a bond that is deeper than many families. College doesn’t have to mean the end of horses or the end of close relationships with our kids.
Empty nest syndrome leaves many parents crying and devastated that they somehow lost their children. Personally, my husband and I were overwhelmed with the decisions and things that needed to be done to get my daughter moved to Tallahassee to attend FSU this summer. I was told I would have a breakdown and everyone kept asking how I’d do with my only daughter and first child so far away. I have two young sons and, so far, I have liked having new things to talk about and plan with my daughter; and while we miss her around the house, we are excited about this new chapter in her life and ours. I don’t view it like I lost her, it’s a normal and necessary change and I’m happy she loves it up there. She asked us if she could participate in the Equestrian team there because she thought she might be bored without horses. We made some calls and there are several options to keep your son or daughter involved with horses on both formal and informal levels.
Many colleges have an equestrian club or team affiliate. My daughter started the summer riding with the trainers who coach FSU’s team and took lessons with them. Now that the fall has started, they have begun to set up the actual team and she will attend some competitions and meet the members before she makes the commitment to show with them. She has enjoyed the lessons and trail rides and thinks it’s a good fit for her so far. She feels good being part of horses up there and learning from new trainers. She is also allowed to bring her own horse if she wishes to do so. Her team has both hunt seat and western riders and she takes lessons on reining horses. We enjoy her reports about what she’s learning and the sights on the trails there and the horses she gets to try. She is learning new things and adjusting to a new training program and it’s exciting for her to be able to have a horse dimension to her life there. It distinguishes her and builds her self-esteem to feel like she’s growing and accomplishing new things.
College doesn’t have to be a time of tears and constant stress. With a positive outlook, good planning and communication, it can be fun and exciting for everyone. Horse people know how to multi-task and adapt to change better than most and our kids do, too. In that sense, they are better equipped than most teens from what they have learned through the trials of horse shows regarding how to deal with stress and the crazy things life can throw at us. No matter how bad a ride or a class can be, horses teach valuable character lessons and our partnerships with them provide us with valuable insight about ourselves and others. The changes college brings are challenging for any family but horses can help carry our kids and us through. Horses can make the transition to college easier and keep our kids on the right path.
