Horse Show Parents- How to Avoid Transferring Your Nervous Energy to Your Kid

By: Jessica Tozer Bein

I was having a conversation today with a parent about how nervous energy affects riders, and often the horses. I commented on how I’ve had several people ask to lease a particular horse and I declined because the rider, or parents of the rider, were too intense and the horse ultimately would respond poorly. This really made me think about how to prepare the parents at shows.

I try very hard to create a tranquil environment for the riders and the horses. It made me think that there are a few guidelines that parents can follow to help their riders be more successful.

1. Avoid creating a pass or fail mentality. Your kid’s job is to function at their optimal level, TODAY! They are working with an animal that has its own free will and doesn’t always understand the emotions coming from the rider, or people surrounding the rider. Credit their improvements.

2. Make sure your rider sleeps and is well rested. Parents need to make sure of this. If your kid is at the show with their friends, rest will not be their priority.

3. Feed the children! Even if your kid “isn’t a breakfast person” or even if “they just don’t like to eat at shows” FEED THEM BEFORE THEY RIDE! We’re burning an excessive amount of calories between the heat, walking, riding, and stress. Help us prepare your rider to be the best they can be!

4. HYDRATE. Yes, they need water. Yes, they need electrolytes. Soda dehydrates.

5. Kids and coffee. Please limit coffee intake for kids. They will be nervous/excited when they show. Giving them extra energy to amp them up negatively before we try to prepare them for a tranquil environment is an unnecessary stress for EVERYONE.

6. Stay organized. Anything you can do ahead of the chaos is helpful. Numbers on the night before. Confirm your clothing. Confirm what time you are arriving BEFORE YOU LEAVE (not a text at 10pm).

7. As long as they’re giving 100%, we need to be good with the outcome. As parents, we have spent a lot of money to get here. Sometimes “we” (me too) get overly emotional about mistakes that kids make. Remember, they’re trying and they’re still kids.

8. Handling errors and disappointments. This is an imperfect sport filled with imperfect people and imperfect situations. When things don’t go as planned, we need to use it as an opportunity for personal growth. This is an opportunity to prepare for the next imperfect situation, not a life sentence to a series of unfortunate events. Let it go.

9. Sportsmanship- At the end of the day, someone will have a good go, someone will have a bad go, someone will be rewarded generously, and someone will get the gate, even though they gave it their all! These moments will pass, but friendships, relationships, and professionalism (or lack thereof) will continue its trajectory. A simple “good job” or “good luck” goes a long way!

10. Never use “don’t” while giving your parting advice. Example: “Don’t forget your pattern” translates into “You’ll NEVER remember your pattern” in their brains. Say, “Do you know your pattern?”

11. If you’re a nervous parent, walk away. It’s ok that you’re excited, just don’t transfer your nervous energy to your kid.

Good luck at the shows!

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