Coexisting with a Non-Horse Lover

EC Blog by: Sammy Roberts

I’m a 28-year-old female, I’m single, and I love horses.

Recently, I came out of a relationship with a man who I thought was the love of my life. However, he was not so fond of my love for horses, horse shows, nor all of the horse activities that easily fulfill a horse addict’s life. My “baggage” included a 1,200 pound animal, and she did not fit into his closet.

We eventually separated for other reasons. A few months later, when he came back with all the “I love you” declarations in the world, I said no. Frankly, I knew I would always love my horse more than I could ever love him.

“If you could just compromise a little more with your time,” my ex had said. “You spend hours upon hours riding every weekend. Couldn’t you spend some more of your time with me?”

Um… no.

Sure, I could lie and say I was taking a step back from the events, never tell him when I bought another horse, and pretend it didn’t bother me when his eyes glazed over when I told him, “So-and-so just won the Worlds on this horse,” and why that was important to me.”

But I’m so stubborn. I would just end up slapping him and yelling, “If you want to love me, you must love this horse! And that means supporting me and everything we do!”

Irrational? Maybe.

I started thinking. Does it take a special kind of man to support a woman’s love for horses? Money aside, this hobby takes a lot of time out of one’s life. I couldn’t seem to reiterate the importance that this wasn’t a hobby, but a way of life. And, it was my life.

So, I took a step back to look at the relationships of my girlfriends and their non-horse enthusiasts husbands.

Barb, my “adoptive mother” and friend, has always made jokes. “What her husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

She has two sorrels and two bays. She could (and may have) told her husband that the sorrels were the same horse, and the same goes for the bays. Therefore, in her husband’s eyes, she only had two horses.

There have been a throng of Facebook posts lately on this very subject. There are e-cards that proclaim the following.

“I only buy bays so my husband can’t tell when I add another one to the herd.”

Or, a little girl giving her best “I don’t know what you’re talking about face,” with the caption, “The face I make when my husband asks if I bought a new horse.”

I even had a friend yell at me for congratulating her on Facebook for her big win with her new horse. How was I to know that her husband had no idea she had even bought the horse?

Then it hit me that maybe this is the way to proceed with my relationships. Not lie outright, but bluff.

That is until I saw a recent interview with my girlfriend, Alexandra Chavez, and her husband. In the interview for Arizona Fox Sports, Alex’s husband walked up to one of her horses and started petting him, explaining to the interviewer that the horse was friendly and liked him. He paused a second later and said, “Actually, I have no idea who this is. Honey, who is this?”

The Chavez family moved to Arizona so Alex could pursue her love for horses. To me, the message in the interview was clear. Alex’s husband supported her happiness. Whether it was horses or another hobby, he supported whatever made her happy.

Coincidently, I had to take Barb’s husband, Skip, to the airport a few days later. Barb was at a horse show, and while I was driving her husband, she called to fill me in on how the show was going. Barb spoke to her husband first, and he feigned interest.  That’s great, Honey…uh-huh…. That’s great.”

Then, Skip handed the phone back to me. Barb told me that she had not only won her class, but was the All-Around Circuit Champion for her division in the show. She won on a horse she had purchased a month earlier, no less. I was delighted for her. I shrieked and screamed and told her how amazing that was, and I congratulated her until I delivered her husband to the airport.

Apparently, as soon as I dropped him off, Skip felt like I made it look like he didn’t care and was under-enthused. He called Barb from the gate to say that although he may not understand it, he couldn’t be more proud of her. And he was happy as long as she was happy.

Is that the key to a happy coexistence between a horse addict and a non-horse lover? He doesn’t have to love it, but he has to support it?

For those of you who found a perfect partner in a non-horse lover, realize you found a gem who loves you, who may not always understand you or the world you participate in, but who supports your passion. After all, what else could you ask for?

As for me, I’ll keep trying to figure it out. Unless someone has a cowboy they want to set me up with?  I’m available.