EC Blog: (Never want to) Own A Pony Experience Day
Photo credit: Magic Look Photography
From Jamie Wright Equestrian:
Here at Jamie Wright Equestrian we know that horses are an expensive business and therefore we have developed our ‘own a pony experience day’ for parents who want to put their children off ever wanting to go near a pony again.
Own a pony experience days are generally held in the depths of winter to try and ensure wet, cold and blustery weather. The day usually starts and ends in darkness and with any luck either miserably wet or freezing.
Meet and Greet.
Your child will be met at the yard gates by a grumpy and sour groom who passionately dislikes children if not all people in general. The groom has very low tolerance levels and will swear at every opportunity making it a very unsavory work environment.
Meet your pony.
Your child’s pony for the day will have a similar temperament to its groom with the added bonus that it bites and kicks at every opportunity.
Stable management.
Your child will have the opportunity to wade half a mile through muddy tracks to turn out their pony (wellington boots with holes in will be provided), they will then have the chance to muck out its deep littered stable which has not been cleaned out since the last experience day.
Meet the professionals.
Having brought the pony back in from the muddy fields your child will find they are unable to ride as the pony has now got a missing shoe or is lame. They now get to experience what it is like to wait an hour or two in the rain for a vet or farrier to turn up in an emergency.
Lunch.
Your child will take lunch in a damp, mouldy caravan which has no heating, washing or toilet facilities. They will get to watch reruns of the dressage at this year’s Olympia while the grumpy groom constantly criticizes all the riders whilst muttering that it should have been her riding there had she not taken a job as a mothers ******* help earlier in her career.
The show experience.
Your child will get excited about going to a show and get to spend hours primping and polishing their pony and its tack. Then spent half an hour trying to load it on the lorry. They will then experience the utter disappointment of the lorry having a flat battery/tyre and not going to the show.
The equine shopping experience.
Your child will be taken to a local tack shop where they will spend all the money they have on a rug for the pony who is a compulsive rug ripper.
The human shopping experience.
By now your child will be smelling like a dead badger, covered in mud, hay and straw. Their final experience of the day is to go grocery shopping in the local Waitrose so they can experience the looks of disgust from all the ladies buying quinoa and avocados.
We hope that your child will be so discouraged by the day that they’ll want to spend their days hanging out at shopping malls or staying in to play on their Xbox or phones. The cost for the day is a mere £650 which might sound expensive but is around the cost of 1 month’s part livery, so just imagine your savings in the long run.
Disclaimer.
Despite our best efforts, some children will still want a pony. Unfortunately there is no cure for this sort of child so prepare yourselves for empty bank accounts and a lack of holidays.
Image created on imgflip.com.
Thank you to Jamie Wright Equestrian for the use of this hilarious blog! They explain even though this is meant to be humorous, some folks took it quite seriously, including a journalist, and asked to attend the course!
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Delores.Kuhlwein@EquineChronicle.com.
