Dating Profiles for Your Equine Best Friend?

 

We recently asked our readers:

If your horse had a dating profile, what would it say?  Thank you to everyone for their creativity in the spirit of St. Valentine’s Day! Read the super-funny responses below!

 

♥ Angela McCordic Stanhope

Tall dark and handsome. Uber athletic, work ethic not always what it should be. Doesn’t like to wear clothes.

 

♥ Katie Miller

Tall, athletic build and loves to wear tall black socks. Clothing at times is optional.

Some hobbies include spontaneously starting to dance and kick up the heels showing off my aluminum “kicks.”

 

♥ Dana Fiedler Hunter

Short and simple: Got Snacks?

 

♥ Gina Ricketts

Looking for older woman to meet my every need. My hobbies are hanging out with the guys, preferably in a bar. I’m handsome and arrogant but extremely charming.

 

♥ Victoria Wiersum

TWF Shades Of Grey… My name let’s your mind wonder😉

I’m a freak of nature… 😏

Down the rail, what were you thinking!

 

♥ Anna Minich

Kiwi- I’m only looking for a horse with a low maintenance personality that knows where to find the treat cabinet. I’m a 15.3 h all-around athlete so if you’re a 15.2 h western pleasure dude, you’re basically a pony. Socialization is not my strong suit so I’m cool to just chill. Interests: Showmanship, Horsemanship, oh and did I say treats?

 

♥ Jenna Menetrier

Flynn——“I prefer to stay in and hate working out. If you’re looking for someone to take a nice stroll with, I’m your guy. I also have room service 3 times a day and prefer to take naps after every meal. My mommy said that she has to meet the girl before we can go any further.”

 

♥ Niki Marie

The 16 year old: My love language is “don’t look at me, don’t touch me. Actually just stay away.” If you’re not 16h +/ dark and handsome then probably don’t look at me either. [safe to say Beth Dutton’s comment about peanut M&Ms applies to her]

The 2 year old: Hi 👋🏻 I’m Banks. Recess is my favorite. Lunchtime is my favorite. Nap time is my favorite. This is my glue stick- if you’ll be my friend we can share it.

 

♥ Madison Lee

“Best fiery red head around. Take me as I am, or watch me as I go.”

 

♥ Natasha Bothwell

Tall, blonde, and takes control!!! More than most can handle…but I’ll give ya a try! This Valentine’s Day let me be your Blonde Bombshell 💗💗

 

♥ PHBA Youth

Hot blonde lady, platinum white mane with a rockin booty. I love early bed times, back rubs and breakfast in bed.

I hate getting caught in the rain and pina colada upsets my stomach.

I’d love to catch a show, I am a PHBA world champion. I guess actually, I’m just looking for nobody really, because I’m a mare and prefer my own space.

But thanks for reaching out!

Shesgot Great Legs “Dakota”

 

♥ Amber Daniel

“Need to meet someone to get my mom off my back 🙄”

 

♥ Emily Elyse

Retired Gelding Seeks Pasture Playmate: Just your average “20 something” wanting to share my greener pastures with a PYF (Pretty Young Filly). I live a simple life – two scoops of grain a day and all the hay and grass you can eat. My private suite is located on top of a hill, away from the hustle and bustle of the competition life – so if you enjoy sunsets, long trots near the train tracks and the best darn rolling dirt you ever did see, whinny @ me!

 

♥ Marion Welsh

My name says it all – Best Believe It.

 

♥ Susie Dickerson

Hi, my name’s Dolly, and I’m a leggy blonde, full of personality. Talent? Let’s just say you can sit back while while I drop it down slowly. 😉 I don’t chase boys, and I don’t want ‘no scrubs.’ I need a sugar daddy to maintain the lifestyle to which I think I deserve. We’ll get along great as long as you never stand me up or are late for breakfast or dinner. Have your people message my people.

 

♥ Lya Burgess

Hello! My name says it all A Heart Like Mine. I’m extra sweet as you can tell by the actual heart shaped marking on my face!

 

♥ Deborah Whitaker Cooper

Juicy booty!

 

♥ Lexi Reger

Shop Class: I love food and trying to take my owners shirt off😆 I’m kind of spoiled but have a great personality and am alway up for new things…

♥ Darca Dickson

Lexi Reger – and I snore 😴 occasionally.

 

♥ Stephany Marcum

Uncomplicated female, not looking for a long term partner, just someone to hang out with during the day, and go socialize with the herd and cuddle up during nap times(mutual grooming optional). Prefer athletic (gelded) male that likes to take a big run and kick up their heels from time to time.

 

♥ Jalaine Knisely-Hinman

Buddy: I’m 17h of pure power, a tad overweight but don’t let that stop ya. I love a good meal (I don’t miss many) and chances are good I’ll eat your food too. Don’t like to exercise much, I’d rather stroll in the field, a nice casual walk, nothing overexerting. I like to rip sleazys off my neighbors when they get too close.. I find it quite entertaining and humorous watching them walk around with their eyes covered. And forget trying to give me a massage… the last lady ended up piledrived into the stall with stitches in her leg 🦵 I really don’t like to be pampered, that’s for sissies 😆 But when the right lady comes along I’m a great performer 🤣🤣 please send pictures of your hay and grain…

 

♥ Andrea Schrage

Guys with abs- not comfy to lay on, spends all their free time in the gym, pressures you to look flawless.

Guys with dad bods- makes a great pillow, always down for junk food, enjoys multiple beers, has great jokes.

From Rocking The Dad Bod “Otis”

 

♥ Crystal McBride

MSH The X Factor: Collect the booty 🤣

X marks the spot.

Now bring me that horizon.

 

♥ Heidi Novak

My name is Hes A Famous Playboy, they call me Hef…I like snacks, sunbathing on my patio, and dancing in the rain…whinny me for a good time 🐰🐴.

 

♥ Rachel Keeler

Tall, dark, and handsome…super goofy and always down to take cute pictures. I strive to make others happy and enjoy exercising regularly.

 

♥ Hannah Hein

6 foot tall, athlete 🏇.

Mama’s boy.

Ideal first date is anything involving food 🌱.

Enjoy long walks in the pasture and arena sand.

 

♥ Nancy Massey Perkins

Hussy waiting for you! Book me!

 

♥ Cynthia Fuguet Mare

Someone sure had a sense of humor when they named me VS Fatal Attraction, because I’m just a slow-legged chunk o’ love who usually gets stuck in the friend zone. But it’s all good, I’m a happy guy. Have you ever been to N’Orlins, darlin’? My new owner calls me Beignet, because my gorgeous light red roan coat looks just like one, and I’m as sweet and easy to enjoy as that Bourbon Street treat, Chère. Come amble by my side and share my easygoing attitude towards everything! I promise excellent « quality time » in my luxurious bachelor pad, with deep shavings and only the best food. A bientôt, ma belle!

 

♥ Christine Thrush

Sumthin About Mary…. I am a kind, forgiving, really smart girl! I will try as hard as I can to make my person happy. There really is Sumthin About me❤️.

 

♥ Kathy Bennetch

Mine probably does!!! 🤷‍♀️

Registered Name: My Chics R Online

Barn name: Tinder.

 

♥ Ashley Enoch-Scott

Feed me, scratch me, let me sleep and I’ll do whatever you want 😈.

 

♥ Haley Henry

Koko: I’m 12, sassy, and CALL ME OLD – I DARE YOU. I love food and will try to kill you if no treats are given within a 15 minute window. My favorite color is aquamarine, not blue, AQUAMARINE. I enjoy sleeping, eating, pooping, and spending all my humans money on food. I enjoy hurting myself and humbling my human when necessary. (Don’t need her getting a big head if you know what I’m saying.) My favorite class is halter because I just have to stand there and look pretty, something I already excel at. Ok, if you’re interested just send me a picture of your favorite treats and then we’ll talk.