Barn Bullies

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236 – July/Aug, 2016

by Sue Winslow

It’s the snarky comment that cuts so deep it leaves you speechless. It’s the gossipmonger who thrives on creating drama at other people’s expense. Or it can even be more serious, with threats that result in tragic consequences. Pain, hurt, and exclusion are the tools of the Barn Bully, who can appear at any age, in any barn, and at any time.

Twelve years ago, my pre-teen daughter, Keelie Winslow, learned a hard lesson about barn bullies. She shares the experience in her own words. “I was lucky enough to be a barn rat at a therapeutic and able-body riding facility,” she says. “I showed up six days a week in the summers to volunteer with seven of my closest friends. Trail riding, helping teach campers, completing barn chores, and hours of laughter were the norm. They are some of the fondest memories I have. Then, a newcomer sent me an instant message telling me that no one actually liked me, and the free-lease I’d been offered from the director of the program was given only out of pity. She said everyone talked behind my back and that I wasn’t half the rider I thought I was. To top it off, she said she was doing this as a favor, so I would know the truth. I was crushed. I printed the message, and we took it to the director of the program.”

The director took swift action to send a message to the entire barn that such behavior wouldn’t be tolerated. “My friends stood by me,” she says. “The girl who bullied me was suspended from the barn for three months, and she apologized. As I look back now, I see that I had so many things that she desperately wanted, parents who completely supported my riding, horses at home, and long-time friendships with many of the other girls. It would be easy to make this girl into a villain, but she’s not. She did a crummy thing. I felt badly, she felt badly, and then we moved on. We even went to the same college and were genuinely glad to run into each other when we did. It was my first real lesson in the power of forgiveness.”

Lest anyone think this type of behavior is relegated to the domain of the pre-teen set, remember NFL lineman for the Miami Dolphins, Jonathan Martin, who made headlines when he retired in 2013 after being mercilessly bullied by a team member.

Unfortunately, within the competitive world of horse showing, many competitors face inner-barn bullying and the more cliquelike barn-to-barn bullying. World Champion equestrian Maria Salazar is frank and open about running into the occasional barn bully on her rise through the ranks of competition.

Click here to read the complete article
236 – July/Aug, 2016